Holy carp; how can some people sleep at nights, if they're the ones responsible for the things we see encased proudly behind the plexiglass at the local multiplex?
If this happens on a regular basis, then someone's responsible for the bad decisions that end up showcasing the attributes of the films they're supposedly representing.
All I can say is, I hope they're proud of themselves for the pain and suffering we - the general movie-going public - has been put through. Some of these things have been so cruel and unusual that the Geneva Convention would look at them and say "uh...no, we're keeping this a million miles from Guantanamo Bay, thanks anyhow," just to give you an idea.
What am I telling you for; you've seen nine full examples of them so far yourselves! And here you are back again for more!
(well, maybe not on purpose...maybe)
So let's see what these sadists have in store for us this time....
RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK
You've seen the movie, haven't you? Do you remember this poster? Probably not, because no one would go see a movie that looked to have a guy in a sport shirt wielding a thin rope in front of the Arc de Triomphe. Would this put YOU in the mind of one of the greatest action movies of the Eighties? Again, probably not; especially with that "Larry, Darrell, and my other brother Darrell" guy there on the left in the cartoon hat. Looks like Spielberg made the artist stare into the opened Ark THEN draw the poster...since it looks like torture from here.
THE INFORMERS
Quick; no cheating - what is this movie about? Mannequins? Plaster of Paris addicts? Justin Bieber lost in the House of Wax? What is the deal with this? Who were they hoping to draw in with this; people who insist on knowing nothing about their movie. What did the producers tell the artist: "I want this to be as generic as possible, put in no details, no familiar faces, nothing! NO! GENERIC-ER!!!"
HARD BOILED
One Heavily-Armed Man And A Baby? What the hell; someone tell me, was a baby a integral part of this movie? If so, couldn't they find a better way of putting it in the poster? This looks like The Pacifier 2: Bullets and Babies. I don't blame Vin Diesel for not showing up for this one. But Chow Yun Fat? On the basis of this poster, I'd expect a comedy, wouldn't you? "He has an instinct to kill"...and hopefully to change diapers under battle conditions.
OUTRAGEOUS!
Dude! We gotta see this movie! It looks hilarious! I mean...LOOK AT THE POSTER! It's so...so...orange! And that font! I'm crying from laughing so hard at it! This is gonna rock so hard; we gotta get the guys together and see this! It is gonna be sooooooo funnnneeeeeee!!! Woo! I mean, oh man...ORANGE! BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!!!
TAKERS
This is such a bad, bad poster for so many reasons. One: everyone is colored blue, even the people who aren't supposed to be blue but another shade. Two: not a one of these heads was at any time in the same room as these bodies when this picture was taken - this is cruel and unusual Photoshopping taken to an ultra-nasty degree. Three: someone shrunk Hayden Christensen's head...probably Ian McDiarmid. So we might as well call this the live-action Smurfs movie with different heads stitched on different bodies and The Incredible Shrinking Hayden Head. Goooood.
Well, there's be more next time, I'm sure. But probably not as bad as these. Bad, yes, but this bad? We'll see.
Dope out.
- TGWD
