That slack, however, goes right out the window once you take into consideration that this has the same problems going for it as Attack Of The 50 Foot Woman.
Meaning? Men are the dominant species, no matter the galaxy, ...and no, I don't mean manKIND; I mean men. Big, fat, swarthy, unwashed men. And whenever they find a planet of women, they must take control of it immediately. In other words - in space, no one can hear Gloria Steinem scream.
So there were movies in which - and I think they're aiming for some kind of a metaphor here - men are faced with a different, alien threat to their lives and livelihood that just happens to resemble a female, which must then be vanquished, conquered or succumb to the men's innate manliness. We have the aforementioned 50 Foot Woman, sure, but we also have Mesa of Lost Women, Cat Women Of The Moon, Fire Maidens Of Outer Space, Devil Girl From Mars, Terror From The Year 5000....
All of these films had the same thing in common: women were the focus, sure, but they served the purpose of ambulatory props for the men to move around at will. And that's pretty much all these women did.
Then we have the 1958 effort known as Queen Of Outer Space, and a little something I like to call The Zsa Zsa Factor.
Yes, Zsa Zsa Gabor stars in this movie and never, anywhere else in the Fifties, could you find a more girly girl than Zsa Zsa Gabor.
Certainly couldn't deny it by her figure but those big eyes, the attitude that anything wearing pants is worth fawning over and her breathless declarations of adoration in that cooing Hungarian quaver as she marvels at how strong men are, how smart they are, how dominant they are, how nice they kiss...no wonder everyone was so shocked when Laura Petrie wore Capri slacks.
Now don't get me wrong: last time I checked I was a male, and the idea of a cute female human thinking I was all that and a bag of chips is an appealing idea. And why is that? Because - check me if I'm wrong, guys - that just doesn't happen in the real world.
Modern women - they're independent, thanks very much. They look at us males as so much hair and hormones that always leave the seat up, who want women to adore us because...heck, we're men. What else do women want? Not understanding; that's what they have Oprah Winfrey for.
No wonder this became such a popular topic in science fiction: a race of females from another world who start out as fierce and dominant then are quickly subjugated by big dumb smelly Earth men. Well, of course they would be. Who did you think produced these things - Sherry Lansing?
In this case, the producer was Ben Schwalb, who produced such films as the Elvis Presley flick Tickle Me and the mystery The Hypnotic Eye, both of which feature easily-swayed women, not to mention tons of Bowery Boys installments, featuring dumb guys. Hey, he knew what sold. So what if it had to do with men dominating women - or just stupid guys in general? Men were the biggest advocate for such films. And when it came to science fiction movies where men dominated women, it was the teenaged males who flocked to these kinds of storylines time and again, and you gotta give the audience what they want.
Schwalb listened, repeatedly, and it seemed he had a direct line on youse big dumb guys' inner-most thoughts as concerns women. Sexy, gorgeous, easily-led women, some of them even with breathy Hungarian accents.
Let us look then at Queen Of Outer Space, a movie that gives us a world where outer space is the least of anyone's concerns, but the fantasies of your typical red-blooded American male were at the forefront. Don't believe me? Look at this:
Three American astronauts, made up of Captain Neal Patterson (Eric Fleming), Lieutenants Mike Cruze (Dave Willock) and Larry Turner (Patrick Waltz), and a bulky Professor (Paul Birch) are on the first manned mission to Venus. Not that they had much choice, seeing as how they borrowed the uniforms from Forbidden Planet and all. And when they arrive, instead of little green men they find women...humanoid women with high heels, lots of makeup and nice form-fitting dresses.
Unfortunately, they are immediately imprisoned, for the ladies' Queen Yllana (Laurie Mitchell) who rules Venus with an iron hand, a jeweled mask and a deep-seeded hatred of men...has every deep-seeded suspicion that these big dumb Earth oafs will pollute Venus with their big dumb Earth selves.
Suspecting the astronauts to be spies, this is all the Queen needs to have a reason to rev up her Beta Disintegrator or photon cannon or whatever so she can destroy the Earth. Meanwhile, the Captain cozies up with one of Venus' scientists, Talleah (Zsa Zsa Gabor), who is so overcome with his manly manliness that she and her fellow peace-loving Venusians band together with the Earth guys to save themselves, the Earth and make it safe the universe over to have a healthy dose of testosterone.
Director Edward Bernds lenses this about as well as he did many Bowery Boys and Three Stooges efforts - albeit with more metallic surfaces and alien chicks. Suffice it to say we have a few major scenes here that deal with elements that would have seemed more at home with Leo Gorcey glowering at his stupid chums or Curly Howard getting clobbered with a pipe wrench.
The men all act smarmy and greasy. The women act half-stern, half-swooning, all-girly. In short, there's no acting necessary if all you're going to do is conform to every accepted sexist stereotype of the Fifties. I'm surprised they didn't cast Donna Reed as the Queen.
You think this plot would have been different if these male dopes had landed on a planet of ugly women? Or apes? How about a planet of men? Dolphins? Ocelots? You bet your sweet bippy it'd be different; in fact, it'd probably end up as something like Forbidden Planet or something more allegorical like that. Unfortunately, the guys who wrote this script were all too willing to....
OH! OH OH!! I have to tell you who wrote this!! You will NOT get over this! You know who wrote Queen Of Outer Space? Do you? You won't believe this. The writers of this macho, men-overpowering-women space soap opera are none other than Charles Beaumont and Ben Hecht.
Charles. Beaumont. Ben. Hecht.
Charles Beaumont was a scripter of such classic Roger Corman films as Premature Burial, The Intruder (one of William Shatner's great early performances) and Vincent Price powerhouse The Masque Of The Red Death. Good films, right? Right.
And Ben Hecht, you may have heard of some of his script projects: Scarface (1933), Nothing Sacred, Wuthering Heights, Kiss Of Death, Monkey Business, uncredited work on scripts for Gone With The Wind and The Thing From Another World (for starters) and a literal metric ton of Alfred Hitchcock, George Pal and John Wayne movies.
They wrote this paean to male adolescent fantasies.
It's like Joel and Ethan Coen writing a script for Big Booty Brazilian Babes Volume XII. Kinda-sorta.
Okay, like I said in the beginning, this film knows practically nothing about outer space. The Earth spaceship changes shape five times or so from warm-up to launch to travel, if that gives you any idea. Of course, the big foam rubber space spider is a dead giveaway in and of itself. I halfway expected the astronauts in question to just open up one of the ship windows for a breath of fresh vacuum during their trip.
And for a female race who is intelligent and superior in every way, these Venusians are at least stronger-willed than the ladies in Fire Maidens Of Outer Space, but that's only because there's no interpretive dance in this film. Still, they seem to be easily swayed to rebel against their Queen...I guess that comes from having all that makeup and those short dresses, yet no one to wear it for but themselves. Poor things.
Queen Of Outer Space is ridiculous in every way, not to mention sexist and chauvinistic in pretty harmful ways. You think this created a surge in NASA enlistments? And how disappointed do you think John Glenn was when he found out there were no Zsa Zsa's knocking on the outside of his ship, wanting some virile Earth male lovin'? I imagine all those other guys from the first Apollo missions would have ended up preferring to swab out the NASA bathrooms with their space toothbrushes if set up for a letdown such a this.
Anyway, for as bad a movie as Queen of Outer Space is, it still serves to teach us all a lesson when it comes to applying chauvinism to intergalactic fantasies - nothing dates a film more than a subtext of men dominating women.
Not that women aliens dominating men from frame one to frame last would have made Queen Of Outer Space any better. For one thing, I doubt Zsa Zsa Gabor could have dominated anything more than a traffic cop.
Let's just say this movie at least serves the purpose of rounding out a perfect movie night over at Bob Guccionne's place.
